Baptist Witness Articles

Wise Counsel - Crystal Lewis, Karinya Counselling Centres

"Feelings? Who could possibly understand feelings?” “What are they good for, anyway?” “Don’t we just have to ignore them and hope they don’t affect our lives too much?” 

These and other similar questions are often passed my way in the counselling room, as people struggle to find a reason for having feelings, especially ones that bring with them so much agony. It would indeed be a lot nicer if we only felt the ‘good’ feelings such as happiness, joy and love. But we do experience ‘bad’ feelings and often wonder why God would create us with the capacity to feel feelings such as pain, sadness and anger. Yet God did create us with the capacity to feel all feelings just as he created us to physically feel the soft touch of a tissue as well as the pain of burning one’s finger or grazing one’s knee. If we were to only register the nice feeling of softness and never the feeling of pain in our bodies, how would we know when something was too hot, too cold or too sharp? Just as we need to receive messages about the world around us through our physical feelings we also need to receive messages about out emotional state through our emotional feelings. So when others hurt our feelings we can notice that we feel hurt and do something about it: perhaps ask that the offender be more polite in future dealings with us. If we never noticed that we felt hurt, how could we protect ourselves against it in the future? Yet there is a knack to learning how to ‘read’ feelings. Please note that I am not suggesting that people act out of their feelings, but that they notice what they are feeling and work out what the feeling may be saying about their emotional self or emotional environment. In learning how to ‘read’ more intense feelings, the assistance of a qualified professional may be useful. Who could possibly understand feelings? You’re beginning to. What are they good for? Understanding and protecting your emotional self. It’s good to look after ourselves emotionally as well as physically.    

Wise Counsel – Maureen Ireland, Karinya Counselling Centres

In my role as a counsellor I have been challenged recently to pay more attention to, and to listen to the wisdom that is carried in our bodies.  Many of us find it hard to hear God and. like Elijah, we are asked to listen to the gentle whisper of God’s voice speaking from within.  Someone once said, “If you want to be listened to, you need to put in time listening” but often they don’t tell us is how to do it.  The best place to begin to listen is within yourself.  Do you remember the last time someone listened to you - really listened to you?  What was it about that person that allowed you to feel listened to?  My hunch is they listened with a welcoming presence that was warm and non-judgemental, but they let you know they were on your side.  They didn’t hurry you but gave you time, allowed you to finish your sentence, conveying to you that you were important.  They didn’t try to give you advice about how they did it, or how you should have done it. 

Warmth, gentleness, patience and openness are attitudes worth cultivating within ourselves so we can hear what from the inner self.  This enables us to access the deep knowledge and wisdom that is carried within our bodies and to hear the whisper of God’s voice amongst the storms of self-doubt, the traumas of life and the pain of the fire that sometimes threatens to consume us.

Wise Counsel - Glenn P. Williams, Psychologist/Counsellor, Karinya Counselling Centres

The fifth element. Many people would be aware of there being four types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal and sexual. A lesser-known fifth type, spiritual abuse can best be understood through the Biblical example of the Pharisees.  In Jesus’ day, the Pharisees’ considerable religious and political power was maintained through over-emphasising some aspects of Scripture whilst neglecting others (Matt.23: 23-24) or through such things as the creation of extra sets of “religious” rules that were not scriptural.  What is interesting to note is that Jesus didn’t just give them little warnings to heed, but rather, he was scathing towards them (Matt.23: 33-36).

As churches we need to be aware of this issue in a proactive rather than reactive sense. It is important for us to understand that spiritual abuse is sometimes not intended and that many people have other people’s best interests at heart. In such instances, spiritual control or spiritual manipulation may be better descriptive terms to use.

One example of how spiritual control or manipulation can occur is through the style of language a person uses. As a parent, cell group leader, minister or friend, a person may try to help another but inadvertently tell them what they ought to, have to, must or should do. Put into a spiritual context, a sense of being “guilt-tripped” often results. A more empowering and truly nurturing expression might take the form of, “You could… you may wish to… do you think it would be good if …?” It gives them choice as well as more of a chance to learn for themselves and grow.

Wise Counsel- Lesley Matthews Karinya Counsellor/Social Worker

When I tried to fill up my reliable old car with lead-replacement petrol the other day, I was told I now have to buy the unleaded petrol and put in a certain amount of additive, depending on how much petrol I buy. So not only do I now have to watch the number of dollars going around but also the number of litres, and then I have to work out how much of the additive to put in.  Now I’m not all that good at coping with change, but imagine how hard this sort of thing must be for those in our society that have an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD).

In my role as counsellor to ASD clients, their parents, caregivers and teachers, I know that those with an ASD thrive on sameness, routine and structure.  Change is unbearable, causing high to extreme anxiety, panic, and immobility – often seen as a total shut down, ‘in another world’. 

Contrast that with others.  We require sameness and conformity to ‘our’ rules and reasoning. We are able, in the most part, to experience change and adapt, causing anxiety levels to drop.  We can look beyond the immediate situation and use coping strategies from past learning.  With an ASD person, every situation is new and coping strategies need to be learned – especially social skills.  It’s not that others possess a higher IQ - this has no bearing at all since most people with an ASD present with an extremely high IQ.

To embrace difference can be difficult. However to show respect, acceptance and give dignity to those with an ASD is a necessity.  I often find myself concentrating on ‘disability’ rather than ability.  Any person with a disability is actually ‘differently-abled’ and I have a growing admiration for the courage of those with an ASD as they strive against the odds to ‘belong’ in our world.